HAIR-NIVERSARY (PART 3): THE PHASES OF NEWAFRO (NEW-AFRO)

Hello hi,

I hope you enjoyed part 1 and 2 of this series. This is part 3 below. Enjoy :)

THE PHASES OF NEWAFRO

After my haircut and announcements, I went through various stages of change. First, I tried to adapt to my new routine which included quick showers, hair rubs and sometimes using a brush to give my short afro some curls. I was surprised that I did not missed my old hair as I thought I would. A part of me felt disloyal but I wondered if the feeling was real or whether I was just in denial. I sometimes wore hats, mostly to shield myself from the ever blazing sun but sometimes to add some spice to my look. Making up had never been my calling but every now and then, I made an effort to wear bright lipsticks and wore large earrings and accessories. Although I had not made any plans prior to my hair chop, I hoped to carry my hair the way it was for a minimum of three months before deciding on what next to do. Things were going smoothly and three months went by quickly. I was travelling around Europe when the third month came. By then, my hair had added more volume and needed a change – either a new hair cut or hairstyle to keep it looking tidy. I was sure I was going to cut it again but shortly after I returned home, it began to snow. Everyone warned me not to cut it, your brain would literally freeze, they told me. I believed them as I could already feel the cold air hanging around my head like a halo. So what was I to do? I did not know how to manage hair in general, not to talk about managing a short afro hair. Alas, God heard my prayers and sent me favours through several friends and most conveniently, someone living nearby.

She was a fellow African from a francophone country and even though she was not a hair dresser, she was eager to learn how to make hair. Of course, I was just as eager to let her practice on my hair and that was how our friendship evolved. I came by every other Sunday morning for her to play with my hair; she spoke English while I tried to speak French as she tried different hairstyles – bantu knots, cornrows, twists etc. It was a symbiotic relationship, maybe a little more commensalism since I benefited more from it; but at least it was not parasitic. Each time I returned for another hairdo, she expressed surprise at the rapid growth of my hair. “Wow, it ‘az really grown; so beautiful, so lucky”, she would way with a French accent. I wondered whether she would still consider my hair as beautiful and lucky in a few months, when it would begin to show its true colour.

“You better warn her; you know your hair can cut through a glass” some close friends of mine and my sister suggested. They wanted me to let my new francophone friend know that my hair was neither soft nor gentle; even though it looked deceptively dark and lovely.

“Why should I warn her? She would see it for herself.” I said. “Besides, what if my new hair grew out to be all nice and easy to touch?”

“How is that even possible?”  My sister argued, “As long as the hair is growing from the same scalp, it would grow the same way, unless you change your genes.”

I ignored her; only time would tell how my hair would grow.

And yes, time did tell – as much as I could recall, my hair grew exactly the same way as it had almost 20 years ago, that is the last time I had it short! It sprung like a rain forest, like trees with long spreading branches looking for space such that some fell over my ears. With each centimetre of growth came thicker curls, and with each curl came more tangle. Of course my new friend noticed it– “Ah, your ‘airs are growing up and they are growing wide too”, she exclaimed one day. I laughed and asked her if she still liked the texture, to which she affirmed. Then, I told her stories of my previous hair struggles – how people used to avoid helping me out because my hair was a lot, and how hairdressers used to try to charge me more money when they saw my hair. We both laughed.

Winter finally came to an end and it was time to reconsider cutting the hair. However, it had blossomed into a mid-sized afro and everyone thought it was a good idea to keep it growing, including my new friend. As long as she did not mind helping me out, I did not mind keeping it, I told her. And that was how my hair came to stay, for now at least. After some time, my new friend did not have as much time for my hair. Sometimes I wondered if she was avoiding my hair but I still managed somehow, mostly soliciting help from other friends. I did not want her to feel that I was taking too much advantage of her. I had tried hard to style my hair by myself but I found it challenging, my arms hurt badly whenever I tried and it was never neat. #Teamnatural was not easy and then slowly, I started to miss my old hair a bit. I thought of back then, when it was well relaxed and I could manage to make cornrows by myself without having to ask anyone. Then I realised that I was going through a new phase.

Yes, I had gone through several stages – from feeling unsure of whether to cut my hair, to feeling fly with my short hair, then feeling bored of it, then feeling excited at the rapid hair growth and now sometimes feeling confused. However, through all of these I tried not to complain. After all, I still had HAIR, one that many would kill to have!

Thank you for reading and have yourself a merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Don’t forget to leave a comment under the post, like and share the post and follow me on Instagram (@ugochiukah) and twitter (@vivio_gogo) for updates. As I said in my previous post, I will be creating a new Instagram page for my blog for year 2020 by God’s grace and I hope be more consistent. Thanks again and remain blessed. x.

HAIR-NIVERSARY (PART 2): THE ANNOUCEMENT

Hello hi,

I can't believe the year is almost over; too many things have happened and yet I feel like nothing has happened, ha ha! I know it looks like I'm not serious about blogging or writing stories anymore but guess what, I am actually planning to open a new Instagram page for my blog for next year so that I can upload more stories much more frequently. Trust me this time, I hope you will continue to follow and read :)

So to make up for my absence, I have written 2 blog posts - Christmas bonus, yay! The first one is below and the next one is here. f you have not, don't forget to check out my previous post here too as these three make up the series so far. Enjoy and please leave your comments below.

 THE ANNOUCEMENT

Officially a year and 6 months have passed since I chopped of my hair, almost spontaneously (see previous post, part 1 here). I think back to the very day it happened; after the barber had finished his work, I had looked at my face in the large mirror, moving my head from side to side. I didn’t look bad, I thought to myself. The moment I got back home, I rushed into the bathroom to take a shower. Summer had just begun and the temperatures were as high as 35 degrees Celsius. I had been sweating and feeling dehydrated ever since I moved into the new city, so a lukewarm shower was much appreciated. For the first time in many years, I could feel the drops of water on my scalp within seconds of running the shower. Every drop on my head running down easily to my hooked nose, every touch of air filling up my scalp pores; it was worth it! I dried my hair quickly with a towel, just the way I used to see men do it. Like every millennial, the first thing I did was take a selfie, striking different poses to get different views of my head shape. My head did not appear big, I did not have an ogoo (no big bump sticking out of my skull), there were no bald spots, and I did not look like a boy; thus I was pleased with what I saw.

The next step was to break the news; starting with my family and friends. So I sent a couple of pictures to my mother first and then my younger sister. I knew it would not be my mother’s preferred look but I hoped that she would not dislike it. She responded on WhatsApp in her usual manner: “You’re looking fine”, while my sister said I was brave. Those were good enough for me. Next I called some of my friends one by one on video-chat, all their expressions were similar – from looks of shock, to squinting, to smiling, and then saying that I looked good. My new colleagues were next in line. I went into the office the next day and greeted the secretary at the reception, whom I had met a few times the week before. She responded:

“Hi, how can I help you?”

“It’s me, Vivian.”

“Vivian! What happened to your hair?!”

I burst out laughing; for sure I had expected some surprise but not a complete lack of recognition. From there, the news spread around, colleagues expressed interest in my hair and my new supervisor was able to recognise me with less difficulty than in the past. I say this because before I started working with him, I had met him a few times before at conferences and each time I had to re-introduce myself to him. It was until one day I realised that the issue was my continuous change of hairstyles, so I gave him a great tip “Never try to recognise a black woman by her hair.”  This time around, I think it worked; he had a little smirk on his face when he saw my new haircut and said “Hi Vivian”.

Finally, I put up my photo on social media and then the whole world knew I had cut my hair. Contrasting comments were written under my post, some expressing pleasure, others displeasure, but for me, I felt relieved. The shock was over, my job was done.

Continue here for part 3.

Thank you for reading. Feel free to share with others and follow me on instagram @ugochiukah and twitter @vivio_gogo for more updates.

Cheers. X

HAIR-NNIVERSARY – 1 YEAR (PART ONE)

Hello Hi,

It's been ages. I feel like I say this every time I write on my blog these days but a lot keeps happening including lots of travelling and work. I cannot believe that I did not even post on my birthday this year. All the same, thank you very much to all who wished me a happy birthday.

Today is a special day for me as it has been a year since I cut my hair! It's been a journey, I tell you, funny and strange and I wanted to share some of it with you, so here is part 1:

HAIR-NNIVERSARY – 1 YEAR

It’s been exactly a year since I chopped off my hair and even though I would not call it ‘the best decision of my life” (as I did not think it was that deep), I would say it was definitely a big deal for me. You see, I had not cut off my hair for over 15 years and it had grown to become a huge part of me, literally and emotionally. I had loved my hair unlike many others I knew, until after I left the shores of Africa and it began to experience challenges. Some said it was the weather, others said it was the water; it was probably a combination of both and other factors including the lack of appropriate hair care, unlike the one I used to receive back home and in Ghana, where I would go to the hairdresser salon at least twice a week (except when I wore braids). So over the years, the hair started to lose its original texture, colour and length; it had gone from a very dark colour to having streaks of brown with a lot of split ends, even though I had never dyed it. My hair was still full but it did not feel the same and after a few attempts to revive it and a bad incident of a false hairdresser aggravating the issue, I knew I needed to do something drastic to make a change.

So, I started considering chopping it off but I had some concerns including the lack of knowledge on whether it would ever grow again and the absurd fear of looking like a little boy. There were also decisions I had to make regarding the haircut:- would it be a small chop, where I would trim off all the relaxed parts or a slow chop, where I would do different hairstyles including the fringe cut popularly known as the Rihanna, or would it be a big chop where I would cut off the entire hair? After that ,what next – would I keep it short (if so, for how long?) or start growing it afresh immediately afterwards? If I grew it again, would it be grown naturally or relaxed; how would I be able to take care of it now, if I could not take care of it in the past? If I decided to cut my hair, when would I do it; randomly or perhaps on my 30^th birthday (as that was a time generally expected of a woman to make big changes)? I had several questions dancing around in my head for over a year, lots of conversations with my friends that had gone through similar paths, prayers from my mum before she finally gave her approval and I even had a few haircut misses, including on my 30^th birthday, where I chickened out.

It was not until last July (2018) that it finally happened. I was now in a more diverse city with lots of hair salons that catered for girls of my colour. Therefore, it was a good place for me to revive my hair through proper care, I thought to myself. The idea of cutting my hair was now much smaller, sitting somewhere at the back of my head, since I had decided to give my hair growth one more chance. It was on a Friday, July 6^th to be precise, that a friend of mine told me he was going to the barber’s salon. There was a ladies salon right next to it, he told me as he knew I had been looking for a place to do my hair since I was new to the city, so I chose to follow him. On the way there, I started teasing “you know, I might just cut my hair today”. He laughed and shook his head as he had heard me say that before. We got to the store; it had a big shop with hair products for both men and women and at the back, were the male and female salons, adjacent to each other. I took a number each for both salons and sat to wait my turn; whichever I got called into first would be my decision I thought to myself although at this point, I still thought I was kidding myself. As I sat there, I could not help but notice how calm the guys were, just sitting and their hairs being shaved off whereas some of the ladies looked like they were in discomfort with their heads tilted to different positions. I looked at the men with envy while still secretly hoping that I would be called first into the ladies.

Alas, in a few minutes, it was my turn to cut my hair. The barber signalled to me to take a seat and asked me what I wanted. I started to dig through my phone to find an old picture of a nice haircut I had saved back when I was seriously considering chopping my hair, when suddenly I heard someone shout:

“What are you planning to do?!” The other barber cutting my friend’s hair asked in surprise. “I’m going to cut my hair” I smiled nervously. “Ba why (But why)?” he asked, I could instantly tell that he was Ghanaian.

He turned to my friend “So you brought her here for this”, my friend responded that it was not his idea. On the other hand, my barber seemed not care and was already flexing his scissors.

“Don’t do it, please” The other barber insisted but my barber was ready. I already had the red cloth tied around me and with one huge round of chop, half of my hair was gone. I looked down to the floor to see the huge quantity of hair that had been shed. Seeing my hair brought a weird mixture of feelings; while one part of me initially felt like it was missing, another part of me felt like it was the beginning of freedom. And with the latter thought in my head, I held back tears and braved it through until the end

TO BE CONTINUED…

Thank you for reading. Feel free to share with others and follow me on instagram @ugochiukah and twitter @vivio_gogo for more updates.

Cheers. X

HAPPY NEW YEAR: 2019 GOALS

Hello hi,

Happy new year! It’s already the fourth day of 2019, wow! Time really does fly fast. I hope you all had an amazing Christmas and holiday season. I can’t believe how long it’s been since I posted a story on my blog. The last time was on my birthday April 24^th last year and since then, so much has happened. 2018 was an adventurous year for me: I moved to a new city, started a new job, cut my hair, became fully single again and so much more. Still those are not good excuses for not writing so I’ll try to do better this year. I know I said that last year and I remember when I used to post bi-weekly, so I can really do this. It’s not like I don’t have stories to write, whether fiction or facts, actually I wrote quite number last year but just did not post them on my blog L

                                                  Photo location: Chichen itza, Mexico

Anyway, as usual I like to review my previous year’s goals and make the new year’s goals; I usually write 10 goals per year. I can’t exactly find the sheet of paper where I wrote the last one because I packed it up somewhere when I was moving but I think I remember them. So in no particular order, here’s a self-review of 2018 goals:

1. To get HAPPILY married: LMAO! Now I don’t even know where to start from with this goal. Similar to goals 5-7 below, I’ve carried this goal over several years. In 2017, it was the last goal on my list and when I did not achieve it, I put it as the number 1 on my 2018 list, with the hope that I would be reminded to work on it more. Somehow, that did not work as every time I looked at my sheet of paper pinned on my work board, my eyes somehow went straight to the second goal. Honestly, I was closer to touching to the iguanas I recently saw at the El Rey ruins than I was to achieving this goal. Last year, I barely went out on dates, not to talk of getting into a relationship or getting married. However, I recently heard someone say that you can’t plan love and I think they’re right. So maybe I can’t really blame myself. 😅

2. To get my full driver’s license: This was the earliest goal that I achieved last year and I am so proud of myself, because I honestly thought it would be the hardest for me. After some months of practice, I got my license in March. My road test was a weird one as I was not able to parallel–park properly, something I still struggle with but the instructor had faith in me and let me pass. And ever since then, I’ve been cruising in cars! Lol, okay that’s a lie. I think I’ve only driven about 10 times alone since I got the license and I have managed to scratch only 1 person’s car (luckily he let me go away freely). So I would say I’m a pretty good driver👅

3. To get a job: This was the next goal I achieved last year; getting a new position. I still feel like I’m settling into the job, location and people in general but I am excited to see what the future holds.

4. To weigh and maintain 58kg: Aha! This was a tricky goal as my weight kept fluctuating the whole of last year and finally, I hit the goal by December 20^th but lost it on Christmas day from too much eating, lol. So definitely, it’s a carry-over for this year.

5. Learning how to swim: Believe me I tried my best; took some group swimming lessons where I learned to be a bit more comfortable in water. I also tried to take a private swimming class but my instructor turned out to be weird, hee hee (I’ll share that in another blog post). So I put it on a short hold but I’ll definitely learn this year by God’s grace.

6. Learning how to bike: Another activity that I tried to do and I actually think I can bike now but I’m just not confident, so I definitely need more practice. I would have been where I wanted to be by now but someone stole my bike L so I have to get or at least rent a new one.

7. Improving my French language skills: To be fair, I think I have improved but just not at the pace I wanted to. I took some French lessons earlier last year which I did not like and I also did not practice very much. However, now I’m in a French speaking place so I am more motivated to learn.

8. Publish at least 10 journal articles: I did publish, perhaps 5, but this is one that I have to continuously work on so I’m charging up this year J.

9 & 10. Publish more frequently on my blog and finish writing my novel: These are 2 goals that I have to confess I did the least work on and I am not pleased with myself. Like I said, I’ll change this year. However, I did take a creative writing course for the first time last year which was exciting and I learnt new things that I would like to employ in my writing.

So yeah, those were my 2018 goals and despite not achieving some (or maybe most) of them, I achieved other unplanned things and had new experiences such as ballroom dancing (thanks to my friend, Benita for introducing me to it), trying out new sports, travelling to more countries, and forming new connections. Therefore, I’m still happy with where I am today and thankful to the Almighty. I was also able to work more on myself and I learnt how to calmly walk away from uncomfortable situations/people, a skill that takes more self-control than I imagined. It’s not like I’ve ever been a raging storm but I used to talk back at every situation and sometimes said things that I would not have wanted to say. I also learnt how to forgive, including forgiving myself, and letting go (including letting go of people when necessary); it’s funny because I had named 2018 a year of forgiveness.

For this year, I’m revising some goals and carrying over some that I need to, but with better aims and objectives than I had last year so that I can actually achieve them. I’m also going to work more on my listening skills as I tend to zone out a lot (most in boring meetings, lol); and also work on my patience level as it’s a virtue I can strive to attain. Don’t test me yet as I may not have achieved it or else you might not like what you get :P.

Here are my official 2019 goals:

1. To go out on dates at least twice a month 💑💑💑💑💑 : Well since I can’t plan love/marriage, I can definitely plan dates and that’s exactly what I intend to do this year. I’d love to explore different dating experiences. Perhaps, I should pick random countries from every continent (except Antarctica; in the case of Australia, I can try different cities) and date guys from there. It’ll be some sort of world tour and improve my relationship CV by adding inclusion and diversity :D. Imagine having a relationship CV that states: “…is well-diverse in the dating realm; loves to eat so there’ll be no left-overs; can drive well at least 9 out of 10 times; always rises by 6am regardless of location so no need to set an alarm; can do basic salsa and cha-cha moves, thereby providing more home entertainment; more patient than would have been if you had met me the year before; has good fleeing skills; can zone out of conversations without anyone knowing…” and much more! What dude wouldn’t love these?!😁

Er...please nobody should mention this to my mother as she will organise fasting and prayer for me by tomorrow morning to get rid of any evil, promiscuous spirit 😈, LOL. I only said I want to date more often, I didn’t say that I was going to “fall pregnant”, hee hee.👅

2. To enter into a short story writing competition: This is something I’ve always wanted to do and so I’ll give it a shot this year. Wish me good luck!

3. To acquire a new art skill: either playing the piano or painting, knitting or sewing: I’m going to look for classes or use YouTube.

Some carry-over goals:

4. Improving my French: I’m still using Duolingo app everyday and I’m going to register for a new class next week plus I intend to practice more in this new environment,

5. To weigh and maintain 58kg; 6. Learning how to swim & 7. Learning how to bike: I can do #5 once I get rid of all the food I ate during the festive period; I’ll register for #6 in spring time and I’ll find new bike friends in the spring/summer for #7.
8. Publish at least 10 journal articles: Same as last year's #8 but this time, I hope to achieve all J.

9. Start up a small money-making business venture: I’m still thinking but at least it’s a start J.

And the last but not the least:

10. Volunteering for a good cause: I used to volunteer a lot when I lived in England mostly to promote good mental health awareness but I’ve not done so in a long time. This year, I’d like to get back to volunteering a bit of my time for an organisation that helps women and/or children. It could be in the church, community or wherever so if you have any ideas, please let me know.

I pray to achieve these goals and hopefully I’ll update you by this time next year. I also pray you achieve yours and I wish you a wonderful 2019.

As my dad would always say “Last year was good, may the New Year be much better” Amen.

Lest I forget, happy belated birthday to my younger sis, Odi and my eldest bro Iheanyi, God bless you.xx

Cheers and see you next time on my blog. x

PS: Please like and comment and feel free to share my blog spot and follow me on twitter @vivio_gogo  and IG: @ugochiukah for more updates.

BECOMING 30

Hello hi,

First of all, I would like to say a big thank you to everyone who made my birthday special with the birthday wishes, calls, prayers, gifts, presents, and more importantly, their presence in my life whether from a close or far distance.

Turning thirty years old is commonly referred to as a very important moment, especially for women; some people actually call it the big 30. Honestly, I have no idea why and I hope to find out soon; I’m still new to the game, as a matter of fact, I am just 2 days old into it since my birthday was April 24^th. Maybe it’s because many age groupings start with 30 e.g. 30-45, or maybe it’s because one’s body’s metabolism is expected to slow down or perhaps, it’s because this is the age at which more modern women start to reproduce or because women automatically fall into a higher risk group of maternal complications during pregnancy (too much health research in my head!). Regardless of what it is, something magical and new is expected to happen when one turns 30. Some people feel like it is a good age while some dread it; as for me, I had a lot of bitter-sweet moments in the months preceding my birthday.

At first, I could not stop talking about it once we got into the year 2018. I whined about how I felt like I was becoming “old”, how I had not made any real plans for the age, how I had not achieved certain goals which I had made for the previous years, how I was not sure of how to celebrate my birthday – whether to have a party, or a quiet dinner or travel somewhere far by myself. I thought about doing something new and crazy, something that would shock those around me but being one of the most monotonous people on earth, it was hard to come up with anything novel. A colleague and friend of mine suggested getting drunk for the first time in my life but nah, I immediately thought about acute liver failure. Ooh! maybe I could have a one night stand! But I considered the risks involved, whether I used protection or not; for example, what if something went wrong and I got pregnant or caught an infection? What if he was a stalker or he made a sex tape of us? What if I became emotionally attached to him and then, became the stalker? Or what if he ended up being the brother or cousin to my future husband?! I knew I could not get through with it so I gave up. Someone once described me as “too careful as a human”, I guess they were right. The next thing I thought about was shaving off my hair; that sounded like a good one especially in this #wakanda era. It had been ages since I cut my hair and it needed some regrowth so this could be the time, I said to myself. I could cut my hair and have a photo-shoot.

So I got ready mentally (or I thought I did) and I told my friends and family. I arranged the photo-shoot for the weekend before my birthday and the plan was to cut my hair a day before but first, I had to take off my braids. However, I had some meetings on the day I was to loosen the braids and ended up not doing so until the morning of the photo-shoot. I still booked a haircut appointment for that afternoon and moved my photo-shoot from morning to evening. Just before going to cut the hair, I developed cold feet. It was a really bad one, similar to the type you hear about brides or grooms developing just before their wedding. I was panicking and felt unwilling to part with my hair of several years. I needed some words of encouragement so I began to call my friends and family; I called at least 10 people at a stretch but nobody picked up. It was weird because it was on Saturday midday and usually, most of my friends/family members would pick up around that time. I continued to call until it was past my hair appointment and that was how I did not cut my hair. Yup, I chickened out and so I ended up taking photos with hair. It was not what I had planned but it did not turn out bad after all (pictures below).

As I got closer to my birthday, I was beginning to fall into denial and trying hard not to think about it until my good friend called to ask me to list 5 material/physical things that I would like as a birthday present. It took me about 10 minutes to think of a single item; it was very hard for me to think of anything I needed and even the things I ended up saying were things that I was not even sure that I wanted them badly. It was at that moment that it dawned on me on how blessed I am and have been. Of course, there are some non-human gift items or things that I want or feel like I need but to think that I had every material thing that I need was a pure testimony of God’s love for me and my family and I felt a sudden surge of gratitude. I was no longer worried about becoming 30 and instead of thinking of un-achieved goals, I began to count my blessings over the past 29 years. I had received so much including the gifts of life, great friends and family, having a PhD, my travels to over 20 countries in 5 continents (except Australia and Antarctica), having lived in 3 continents, having my first official audition for a commercial, improving on my makeup skills (still not perfect but at least now I don’t look like a clown when I do my makeup J) and many more including things that may seem otherwise from a blessing such as recently embarrassing myself by crying in front of my supervisor and a few others (it’s gat to be the hormones from becoming 30!),  getting out successfully from relationships that were not meant to be, and having and surviving my first car accident (I sincerely hope that is the last though).

After reminiscing about all of these, I felt truly happy to become 30 and on the morning of my birthday, I knelt down, smiled and exclaimed to God “Yay, I am 30 years old today and I am a grown woman! Thank you!”

My goal on my birthday was to look pretty, have ice cream cake and have a good time with loved ones and those were the things I did thankfully. Right now, I am just waiting excitedly for more beautiful and new blessings to come and I pray for grace and favour always. However, I have to say some things never change for me though (or at least have not yet), such as the rule of eating my name inscribed on the cake all by myself J

Thank you again for the birthday wishes.

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MY 20/20 VISION

Hello hi,

It’s been a couple of weeks since I last wrote. Since then, time has gone by quickly but I am excited to say that I have already accomplished one of my goals for this year, which was to get my full driving license. Yipee! I just passed my road test yesterday and I am beginning to feel more like an adult J I hope the month has been going well so far you too.

Today, I’m writing about something personal, as I often do. So here it goes…

Not having one of your most loved ones around is difficult; I miss my father every day, possibly every minute but there are some moments when the feeling hits me the most. One of such moments is whenever I get on a flight, which is a lot more than many people do. You see, my father always bought my flight tickets and would ensure that I sat by the window so that I could enjoy the view of the plane ride. To be honest, I usually slept off almost immediately after the flight took off but it made him happy to know that I sat there and that made me happy too; and before I realised it, it had become a habit for me. I remember the first time I did not sit by the window because I purchased my flight ticket myself and forgot to reserve my seat in time, that day I wept bitterly throughout my flight because I felt the loss of my doting and meticulous dad. At that moment, it began to dawn on me how much more responsibilities and attention to detail I would need to pay in life. And so now, I try my best to always sit by the window and even though I still cry on every flight, it’s easier to face the window and cry with no one noticing.

However, that is not the moment I want to talk about today; today is about another which hits me even harder. I knew this moment was coming and I waited patiently until I got the email last week. Alas, it was time again! Time for my yearly eye check-up, one the optometrists said I could not afford to miss. For many other people around my age that I know, eye check-ups perhaps once in two years might be considered necessary but in my own case, it had to be every year because I was told that I was considered to be “high-risk”. And even though my insurance only covered the bill once in two years, I still had to go; not just for one check but for two because I also needed to visit the retina specialist. I disliked the appointments which I had been subjected to for over 20 years of my life. They almost made me feel “enslaved” because it felt like I did not have a say in it and personally, I do not like being told what to do. Bad as the appointments felt, I always went with my dad as he would also get his eyes checked. Even if he had already checked his eyes at some point if I were in school, whenever I returned home, he would still go with me and check his again. He would also constantly remind me to take care of my eyes. It became one of our bonding moments as we both would go to see our eye doctor together and he would sit and wait for me, because my appointments were always longer. His eyes were not as “bad” as mine so it was hard to say that mine were genetic. And if and when I needed new glasses, he would help me to pick the frames. Although I still did not like the appointments, because to me, they were just another day of repeated eye drops, blinking, flashing of touch lights and asking me to read letters like I was in nursery school, they were much more bearable to me with my father by my side. But now, I had grown and become a spinster which meant that I had to attend the gruesome eye appointments alone.

So today at the eye clinic, I sat down and as usual, the technician did some pre-tests while I asked her what each instrument was measuring. After the initial screening, the optometrist came in and greeted me smiling. I could instantly tell that she was a nice lady, contrary to some doctors that I had met in the past who did not seem to genuinely care about the patient but instead, were more eager to get through the tests like a robot. We started the second stage of my tests and I could not help but think about my dad as usual and a tear rolled down my face. She gave me a tissue; I did not feel embarrassed as I knew she would assume that my teary eye had been due to the many tests. We talked about how I occasionally had itchy eyes which she said was as a result of dryness. I thought that was ridiculous as clearly I had lots of tears, but she told me that those were not the type of tears I needed; I needed more mucous which could be gotten from OMEGA 3 oils and fish, especially salmon. I learnt something new about types of tears and I was also happy that I had one more reason to eat plenty of salmon. She prescribed a suitable lubricant for my eyes; I told her that I did not want to use the one which my close friend, also an optometrist, had advised me not to buy because it caused vessel constriction.

We got through reading the letters in the mirror, with me wearing my glasses.

“That’s really good” she said nodding her head impressively, “You almost have 20/20 vision”.

My eyebrows rose and I smiled widely.

“With your glasses, I mean of course” she added the caveat quickly.

I burst out laughing; it was the first time anyone had ever said that to me and I told her that I was very happy to hear such an ironic statement.

She continued with my other eye checks including eye pressure and in between, I said to her with a voice almost void of hope and close to a whisper “please don’t dilate my pupils today.” She looked at me and I felt like I could see compassion in her eyes. She responded in a soft voice “it is very important that you get them checked every year.” I nodded; I had been told that by most of my previous doctors and so my asking them not to do it never really changed anything. They would put the stinging eye drops in my eyes anyway and then my vision would slowly become so blurred that I would rather stay with my eyes shut. It was a feeling I did not like at all and it made shiver to think of what being blind might be like. So I already knew the answer to my question when I asked her not to put those drops in my eyes, just the same way I knew the answer would be a no, when I asked her if there were any new medications invented that could cure my eye sight. However, a few minutes later, she then asked me if I had seen my retina specialist yet and I said no. She said she would look at my eyes a bit more and if she did not think there was anything urgent, then she would consider not putting the eye drops since I was going to see the retina specialists soon and they were going to check it there anyway. I was elated to hear the news and hoped that she would not see the need to.

She finished all required checks and gave me the good news that she would be skipping the eye drops for today but I would need to go to the retina within the next couple of weeks to get them checked. I thanked her profusely and she shook her head, smiling. I was good to go; my prescription had not changed, she said.

“So my eyes did not get worse?” I asked brightly.

“No, they did not.”

“So maybe they will get better soon” I half-asked, half-stated.  

She laughed and told me that she was impressed with my optimism and so she will not try to dampen my hopes. “Maybe they will get better, who knows?” she said.

By the time I left her office, my spirits were lifted and I had learnt a lot more than I usually did at my appointment – about types of tears, allergy versus dryness of eyes, salmon and fish oils, Pterygium and Pinguecula; some of these I already knew about but today, I learnt in more details. Most importantly, I felt happier today than I ever did at my eye appointments because it occurred to me that with my glasses, I could see better than many people could (with or without their glasses). For me, that was the best icing on the cake – to know that my vision was 20/20, even if it was with help.

Enjoy the rest of your week.

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HAPPY NEW MONTH MARCH 1ST 2018

Hello hi,

I hope you are doing great! I'm sorry that I did not get to post anything in February. I kept thinking of writing but there were many things going on - Ash Wednesday and the beginning of lent (for Catholics), Valentine's day for all plus I had a bit of travel and I started a 30 day challenge (which I only did for 1 week, lol). See picture of challenge if you’re interested; I am thinking of starting it again today.

On Valentine's day, I was travelling for a conference. Usually, I wear red on Valentine's day because I like such cliché dressing, lol; yup I also wear red or green for Christmasday. However, the day coincided with Ash Wednesday and since my faith comes first, I wore Ash/Grey colour. At the airport, I was with some colleagues, one of which was wearing red unconsciously i.e. not because of Val's day. An airport staff was going around and she handed some chocolates to her - "Just because you're wearing red; Happy Valentine's day" she said. I immediately felt left out and at that moment I wished I wore red, lol.

Anyway, for Lenten season, as encouraged I decided to give up something I like - meat i.e. beef and chicken. And so this meant that I could not have any of the delicious meats I saw at the conference lunches and dinners, such a bad timing! I am eager for Easter to come. 

But not to lose track of what Lent is about. For those of us believers, this is a period of fasting and abstinence, praying and almsgiving. This period should remind us that God loves us and gave his only son for us and so, we should love one another as we loves ourselves. We are also to remember that we should focus on heavenly things because everything else is vanity. As it is said on Ash Wednesday when the priest paints our foreheads with ash got from the palm fronds of Palm Sunday "from dust we came and to dust, we shall return." So I urge you to continue to pray for yourself, loved ones and even enemies and to be kind and generous to your neighbours, literally anyone next to you. In addition, if you do not want to fast, you can abstain from anything – coffee, alcohol, secular music etc.

And for this month, I pray that it brings us all more revelation of God’s love and grace to us. Stay blessed.

Happy new month.

XO

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