DM SLIDING: DO’S AND DON’TS FOR EFFECTIVE SHOOTING OF SHOTS

Hello hi,

Happy Sunday and happy international women’s day. To every woman out there, no matter what you think of yourself, you rock!

Before I get into today’s write-up, I have to say that we should all be alert during the Corona Virus issue because it’s spreading really quickly. By now, you should have heard of simple prevention techniques such as washing of hands – it would surprise you how many people don’t wash their hands regularly even after a toilet use. I once saw a public health researcher in the shared bathroom who did not wash hands after use. When I reminded the person to do so, their response was “You know we black people have strong immunity”. I was in shock! Also, avoid touching your face and other people. I was pleasantly surprised to see the measures put in place in Church today – there were hand sanitizers everywhere and most people did not bother shaking hands during the peace sharing. However, there was a nice elderly woman who always walks around shaking hands and today, a few people refused to respond; I felt bad for her. There were also a few other awkward moments, for example, anyone who coughed during mass was given the eye and so you could hear some people struggling hard not to cough out loud. The priests refused to bless people on their foreheads after mass but instead waved at the congregation. I even saw one of them elbow-greet a parishioner which looked funny. At this rate, if the virus situation does not improve, by next Sunday we might see priests fist-bumping us like “What’s up, bro in Christ?” Ha ha! Anyway, better to be safe than infected.

DM SLIDING: DO’S AND DON’TS

So back to today’s topic is on how to effectively slide into DMs (direct messages). For those of you who don't know what sliding in the DMs means, it is when you contact someone, that you typically don't know or don't have their phone numbers, by directly messaging them through social media platform. Since we now live in the social media age, there’s been a lot of sliding and “shooting of shots” via Instagram, twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn…everywhere you can think of. People slide in for different reasons – to seek for job, love, friendship. Whatever the reason may be, having proper etiquette is important and yet in 2020, some people still get it wrong. Therefore, it is no surprise that many sliders (the seeker or person making first contact) are immediately flushed out or ignored by the slidees (the person sought after). I have some tips for you today that I believe can help you in your sliding activity, especially for romantic purposes. Here they are (You may thank me later, wink):

1. Do your research: I know you might think this is just the researcher in me talking but this is the most important step as it will guide you throughout the process. As a slider, you should know what kind of things the slidee is interested in e.g. arts, music, travelling etc. This may help you not only to start a conversation but also to hold it. It will also show that you have genuine interest in the person and that you might be a smart person. It does not have to be anything complicated or involve stalking, it could just be as simple as looking through their profile, photos, and reading their captions. Imagine if you started talking to someone and they responded and you asked them where they live, meanwhile their location was boldly stated on their profile (duh?). I believe if you were applying for a job, you would look up the company. So as with everything in life, try to do a bit of research before sliding into anyone’s dm.

2. Do make yourself accessible to your slidee: When people get DMs, they may decide to look up the slider. Therefore if your profile is private, you might lose a chance of being responded to, because I don’t think any slidee would send you a friend request just to see what you look like or who you are. So if you want to slide into someone’s DM, I think it’s best to unlock your profile, at least temporarily.

3. Do make your profile match up: Just in case the slidee gets to look you up, it is also necessary to ensure that your profile is interesting or at least clean enough to attract them. For example, it does not make sense if you slide into a female activist’s DM and yet you have some misogynistic tweets. If they like to read, you might want to make your profile picture a photo of you reading, ha ha. Okay, nobody is asking you to pretend or change who you are but make sure that your profile shows that you could be a good match for the slidee.

4. Do not be a creep or weirdo: There’s this thing that many people do where they just randomly decide to like all your photos in one minute and then say hi. For sure, you would have been noticed but as a weirdo, which is not something that would be beneficial to you. It’s okay to like some pictures when they are put up but not all in one day. Also, if you finally get attention from the slidee, don’t start sending d*ck pics or making weird requests. Recently, some “stranger” dude who slid into my DM demanded for a video call. I use the word “demanded” because he kept insisting, even when I told him no and things went downhill from there.

5. Do say more than just “hi”: When you slide into someone’s DM, saying “Hi” is not enough. You should ask how they’re doing, introduce yourself, and then continue the conversation if they respond. It’s bizarre for someone to say hi and the slidee says hello and nothing else is said until the next time, the slider says hi again and it becomes a cycle. By the third hi, I personally would not respond because I would have labelled you as a “monitoring spirit” by then. This is also important for female sliders as some women think it’s okay to just say hi and expect the guys to carry on the conversation. Remember that the onus is primarily on whoever the slider is. As I said earlier, this is where you can put into use the information you gathered during your research.

6. Do not write an essay: I know I just said you should introduce yourself but that does not mean you should write an epistle. Some people write their whole story before the slidee even gets the chance to respond and honestly, nobody has time to read long paragraphs. So keep it simple, use nice catchphrases – think about it as a phrase you would use to sell yourself on your resume.

7. Do consider the platform: When you decide to slide into someone’s DM, it is important to understand the social media space you are using. If it is Instagram, it might be okay to be a bit flirty where you could say their picture is cute but on LinkedIn, try to start a little more professional even if you want something more. For example, start the conversation with career related things – you could say you admire their work or you’ve read their publication and you think it’s great. That might make them respond better.

8. Do remember records: Know that if you slide into someone’s DM, your messages may have been saved, even if not replied to. And even if you go to delete them, the slidee may have screen-grabbed them. So bear this in mind whenever you write something so that you never send information that may be used against you in the future.

9. Do be natural and honest: Being yourself is always the best you can be. At the end of the day, if the slidee decides to respond and things go well, you might have a date. And you definitely don’t want to come across as a liar at that stage. It would look really bad on you.

10. Finally Do not be a sore loser: You win some, you lose some. Don’t suddenly become disrespectful because someone ignored you or turned you down. You’d just come across like those market guys that beckon on you to buy something from their stalls “Psst, fine girl come and buy” and when you don’t respond, they say “Ugly girl, nobody likes you”. Don’t forget that it’s a small world and you don’t know if you might meet them somewhere someday.

So those are my 10 guaranteed tips, you’re welcome! If you ever use them and they work, let me know, especially as I have not yet put them into practice :P

Don’t forget to keep visiting my blog and follow my Instagram page @lavivsblog and twitter @vivio_gogo for more updates. My main Instagram page is @ugochiukah

Thank you for reading my post and please share. Have a great week and stay safe. God bless. X

FROM DUST TO DUST

Hello hi,

It’s been a minute since I last wrote. I’m trying hard not to say “how time flies” because it seems like I say that every time, but can you believe that it’s already almost the end of February?! Anyway, I hope the year has been going good for you so far. For me, it’s been busy and a few things have happened since the last time I wrote. For example, I was invited to give a talk on careers in academia, one of the highlights of my career so far which I am thankful for. Another thing that happened was that Valentine’s day came and passed and we (I mean single people) survived! LOL. Honestly, these days I don’t even remember when it comes because I am always at a conference during that period. So unless I check social media or I get a message or some goodies, then it escapes me. This year, I got some flowers and chocolate, but as usual they were not from a lover/boyfriend/husband. They were actually from a friend (‘s wedding, hee hee) so technically, they don’t count as valentine’s presents but all the same, I was happy. Next thing that happened was that I went skiing, again! But this time, I had improved very much,if I say so myself – actually my ski instructor said so too and my video here is proof :P.

I also ate too much at the conference, who wouldn’t? There were lots of great dishes for every meal of the day and all were buffet! I knew I had gained weight within my short stay over there and my plan was to go on a diet immediately I returned home. Before travelling, I had cleared my fridge and so when I got home, I had nothing to eat. So I decided to have some nuts – pecans and spicy corns, as well as some cookies I had brought back with me, and then start my fruit cleanse the next day. However, I think I ate too much of everything plus the pecans and before I knew it, I was having severe diarrhoea and vomiting. That was how I spent the next day, in and out of the toilet and pharmacy, and for the next few days, I felt extremely weak. The next day I weighed myself, I had already lost 1kg, isn’t God great?! Ha ha!

Now I can laugh about it but I tell you, it was a very scary experience for me. The last time I had suffered this severely from a gastro infection was when I was in primary school, from a class project of fruit salad. I had passed out and ended up in my school clinic where my mother had to come and pick me from. I spent days at the hospital as I was unable to eat without vomiting and after then, my mother banned me from eating fruit salad which I adhered to until just a few years ago. So when I fell ill again this time, unable to eat, I feared for myself especially as I was alone. I was so weak that I could barely speak or stand. Thankfully, the Lord sent my neighbours to my aid and one of them even ended up sleeping with me that night to make sure I was okay. I eventually regained my strength after about a week of taking oral rehydration therapy, gravol, plantain boiled by my neighbour and bread from another neighbour. I can’t thank them enough for their kindness! Also, to think that all of these just happened last week, and I can blog today makes me realise how blessed I am. It reminds me that life can be fickle and you never know what tomorrow holds….which brings me to what I am writing about today titled:

FROM DUST TO DUST

Today is Ash Wednesday. If you are unfamiliar with what this season is about, it is the beginning of fasting period and lent season for Catholics, which lasts for about 40 days before Easter. There’s always mass (church service) on the Wednesday whereby the priest puts an ash in the shape of a cross on the foreheads of the congregation and either says “From dust you came and to dust you shall return” or “Repent and believe in the Gospel”. The church members usually leave the ashes on their forehead for the whole day as a reminder of where we came from and as a sign of repentance. Most people go for either early morning or late evening mass for Ash Wednesday but today, I went to church during my work break as there was a noon mass. When I returned to the office, I had forgotten about the ash on my forehead until my colleagues started to ask me about it. Some wondered if I had stained myself with soot and someone even asked if I had had an accident. This was the first time I had ever had to explain this much to people as the previous places I had lived in, most people knew what the symbol meant or simply did not ask. However, I was happy to do so.

During this period we (Catholics) are expected to do 3 main things – 1) Pray more, 2) Fast or abstain from something, and 3) Give alms to the poor. In the past, I had abstained from Starbucks drinks, meat, dating, gossiping, keeping grudges against people, and I think I even tried once to abstain from listening to secular music. A few people have asked me what I am giving up this time and after much thought, I have chosen 3 things to focus on:

1. Abstaining from Meat (beef/chicken/pork) – I will not be cooking any of these during this lent season and I will try my best to avoid them, except in public places where there are no other ‘good’ options. Please note that this does not include fish J

2. Attending the stations of the cross – For some years, I have not attended the stations of the cross held every Friday. This usually consists of prayers and portrayal of the period from the carrying of the cross to the crucifixion of Jesus. I stopped attending because there were always meeting conflicts; usually Zumba class or something else fell on the same time. However, this year I will try to attend more often. I think additional going to church on Fridays for an hour will not hurt my fitness regime.

3. Speaking of Fridays, I will be giving up kissing on Fridays. This is not to say that I have been kissing around or that I even have someone or people to kiss, lol. I’m just adding this just in case…, you never know J You might also be wondering why on Fridays, well I don’t exactly have an answer except that it is usually considered the most solemn day of the week for Catholics.

So these are my decisions for lent. How about you, will you be giving up something? By the way, you don’t have to be catholic to join the band; I know lots of non-religious people who take opportunity of this season to improve themselves spiritually and otherwise. So feel free to join and comment on what you might want to give up. J

Until my next blogpost, stay well and live life to the fullest and in gratitude. Don’t forget to keep visiting my blog and follow my Instagram page @lavivsblog and twitter @vivio_gogo for more updates. My main Instagram page is @ugochiukah

Thank you for reading my post and please share. God bless. X

NO FIRE ON THE MOUNT

Hello hi,

Happy new month! It's February already , how these months fly, I can't understand. The next thing I know, we might be celebrating Christmas again. Oh well, I hope that the month of January was a good one for you at least. Mine was busy but great; lots of opportunities that I am thankful to God for.

I was initially going to share a different story today, but I decided to share this one. Enjoy and fell free to share with friends.

NO FIRE ON THE MOUNT

The year had only just begun, at least for Stella, even though it was already the first day of the second month. She had been sleep-deprived for days, owing mostly due to her work load, but also partly because of indiscipline in going to bed early. This habit used to be unusual for her until recent times, where she found herself walking around in aimlessly in her apartment or watching random videos on Youtube until the late hours of the night. She blamed the insomnia on the weather; it was awful! She also blamed it on her hormones, they were sometimes annoying visitors. So once again, she had failed to sleep early on the last day of January and before she could help herself, the clock struck past midnight. She had failed to even realise it was the start of February, the month of love. However, that did not mean much to her anyway, as she had never had the chance to really celebrate it. In the past, she had hoped for a day where she would go out on Valentine’s day for a romantic dinner with someone special and be showered with lots of gifts, mostly expensive ones as that was her taste. She had occasionally received gifts, chocolates, and flowers on valentine’s day but they had never been from lovers. Therefore, that day was still yet to come for her. But this particular day was not the day for such thoughts. She really needed to go to bed now because she had a hair appointment in the morning. Thus, she would need to wash and dry her hair before the hair dresser came.

As she prepared for the night - her usual face and mouth wash, and change into her nightwear, she could not help but notice the smell of cigarette smoking coming into her apartment. Damn that new neighbour again! He was a weird looking dude who she never spoke to. He must have been smoking on the corridor or close enough, for the smell to penetrate into her apartment. In general, she loathed the smell of the smoke, weed, and every other drug. She wondered if there was a way she could stop this neighbour from smoking – she had already stopped the other neighbour from smoking on the shared balcony, but this new guy looked like he would be more difficult to manage. Besides, it was too late for her to knock on his door so she searched the internet to see if smoking inside the apartment was illegal. Sadly, there did not seem to be a clear cut rule and so for she had to let it go. At least the smell was not in her bedroom, she said to herself, as she cuddled under her blanket and began to doze off.

Krrrr krrrr krrr…a continuous loud sound startled her from her dream. It took her a few minutes to realise that it was the fire alarm. Oh gosh, what could the matter be?! She waited in her bedroom for five minutes but the alarm continued. She knew she was supposed to leave the building until it stopped but she felt incredibly tired and only hoped that it would be a false alarm. Her watch told her that the time was half past 1 am. Ten minutes later, nothing had changed. She was beginning to hear the sounds of other neighbours leaving their apartments but she stubbornly stayed back in hers. Another five minutes passed and then she called the fire department. They asked her if there was an actual fire in the building, she said she did not think so but that she thought it came from her neighbour smoking. They said there was nothing they could do about it and asked her to dial 911. She called 911, repeated the same story and they transferred her to the fire department. The firemen were on their way and had asked her to wait for them downstairs, so she grabbed her coat and started the descent. It was then that she realised that she had much more neighbours in the building than she had ever thought. A lot of them were already on the ground floor. Her eyes caught a cute guy and so, she quickly removed her sleeping cap. The firemen were there in no time and she beckoned on them to come up to her floor. However, the fighters went to the first floor. She was persistent, telling them that the smoke came from her neighbour but they ignored her. She bumped into another neighbour who told her that some people on the first floor had been smoking weed and that had triggered the alarm. However, she was convinced that it was her own neighbour and kept trying to urge the firemen towards her floor. After several back and forth, they turned off the alarm and declared it a ‘false alarm’.

Stella was livid; it was not “false”, she told the firemen.

“Were you the one that called us” one of them asked.

She admitted that she was, while she wondered whether they would fine her. She had read somewhere that people who called for fake alarms would be fined. But the firemen did not, rather they explained to her that they were not allowed to go into people’s apartments unless there was an actual fire, and that the alarm had pointed them elsewhere. Additionally, since the alarm did not go back on after they turned it off, that meant that the building was safe.

 Stella sighed and went back upstairs. She was still upset because her sleep had been interrupted and given that she always involuntarily woke up by 6am, she was sure to not get enough sleep by morning. This incident made her remember her time in England during her previous studies; one night when they were evacuated from her apartment building because an idiot had decided to boil an egg by 2am and then had fallen asleep. Who would be so hungry to boil an egg by that ungodly hour, she had asked back then, and who would be so foolish to fall asleep before the 10 minutes it took to boil an egg? As she reminisced, tossing and turning on her bed, she fell asleep again.

Thank you for reading my post and please leave a comment and share. I will be updating you along the year. In the meantime, keep visiting my blog and follow my Instagram page @lavivsblog and twitter @vivio_gogo for more updates. My main Instagram page is @ugochiukah
Have a beautiful week ahead. x

2020 YEAR GOALS AND 2019 GOALS REVIEW

Hello hi,

Happy Sunday. This is my second post of the year. I hope the year has been going good for you all. I’m trying hard to achieve personal goals and objectives that I have set out for myself and that includes blogging J . So today, I would like to share with you a review of my 2019 goals and my goals for 2020. I always like to make plans, whether I keep them is a different story, hee hee. However, I feel that sharing them helps to keep me accountable – first, it means that I have it not only written down but also posted on the internet and like they say, the internet never forgets. So even if I forget what my goals are, I can always scroll on my blog or I’m pretty sure that some of my tatafo (gossip) blog readers would remind me or ask me about them at some point, lol. So that’s why I post them on my blog. In the past, I would pin them to my office board right next to me, because that was where I used to spend the most of my time but last year, I decided to start putting them on my fridge with a magnet. In a way, it was me reminding myself that I should spend more time at home or at least have a work-life balance, which I really tried to do last year. So here were my 2019 and 2020 goals and my 2019 self-score below:

Spot the difference between the 2 year goals.

So basically, I scored myself 3 out of 10 for my last year goals, how ridiculous! Looking back at my goals, most of them were not unrealistic but somehow I had not managed to meet them. For example, the weight goal - there were times I weighed 58kg but I could hardly maintain it. However, I know I was not unfit, as I had spent a lot of time last year doing physical activity and exercise – Zumba 4-5 days a week, ballroom dance once a week, and walking half an hour every day. So I suspect that the extra 2 kg I had were muscle weight. Therefore, I’m not mad at myself even though I’d still prefer the former weight and so I have carried this over to this year.

Dating at least twice a month…where do I even start from? I had began last year with this goal and of course I signed up on dating websites to catch some big fish. For the most part, I ended up catching tiny fish, eels, snails, crayfish etc. instead of the fresh fish or whale I had hoped for. So yes, I was able to go out on dates to meet my goals but they were not fruitful and were time-consuming. There were times I would be on a date and even though I would have nothing else to do at home, lying down on my bed seemed preferable to me. And it was not because I did not like to date people but rather because I could see no future with these guys, in addition to the fact that they bored the heck out of me. I will write about some of them on my blog later. Don’t get me wrong though, I had some pretty good dates and experiences including going to an opera which I enjoyed (plus it was free J ). However, no one went much further and at some point, these dates started becoming a pain rather than an achievement to me. Therefore, as one who values herself and time, I had to re-evaluate this particular goal by the end of April. Did I want quantity over quality? Was it more important to achieve this goal but lose myself? In the end, I decided to scrap it and by the end of May, I had left those sites and started to feel free again. That’s not to say that I’ll never date or go to those sites again but I’ve learnt that this is NOT a goal for me and so I’m not carrying it or any type of relationship goal over. One less goal, Phew!

Next – publishing at least 10 academic papers. When 1 of my colleagues saw this, she said I was crazy and maybe she’s right. If you are in the academic world, you’d understand how hard it is to publish 1 paper, not to talk about 10 in one year, except you are a PI (Principal investigator) and you have some expert data analysts and students helping you do a lot of the work. And yet, the over-ambitious me put this down as a goal. I only published 2 articles – 1 first-author one in a nice journal (high-impact factor, see here) and an editorial (here) but at least I wrote a few manuscripts so hopefully I can meet up this year. Maybe I’m still crazy to hope to achieve this during this year but I love to be hopeful.

Writing competition – You know what, I should score myself fully for this because I actually entered into one competition which I did not win,  but it does not matter because the goal was not about winning. Also, I wrote an academic grant which I believe counts because it is a competition and I had not specified what type of competition. So scrap the half mark, I give myself a full mark which means I have 3 and a half marks now. Yay!

Oui, French! Everyone says I have improved including my French teacher but I am not yet where I wish to be so I’ll keep working on it. I’m also going to double my efforts so I can see more results.

As for swimming and biking, I had no time during the summer last year as my special guest was around. If you read my previous story here, you’ll understand why I could not achieve swimming in 2018. But this year, I think I’ll consider signing up for swim class even outside the summer since it’ll be an indoor pool anyway. And as for biking, maybe I’ll just go to the Netherlands or any similar European country for a few months and that will force me to learn, ha ha.

Arts - I went for one paint class last year and I enjoyed it so I hope to go for more this year. I also want to get myself a keyboard before the end of next month so I’ll see how that goes. I did not start any money-making business, I don’t even think I had one in mind but I’ll think harder this year so I’ve left it out for now.

Finally, I registered to volunteer with an organization to mentor women, which I am excited about but I have not yet officially started because last year, my schedule never fit well. So I hope to start this year, thus I gave myself half mark.

And that’s it for my 2019 goal review. I have made my 2020 goals, some of which are similar to 2019’s – spot the difference. As I said, I will make more efforts this year by God’s special grace but ultimately I leave everything in the hands of my creator. As long as I have peace, I feel fulfilled. I also joined a vision group where we are to encourage each other in meeting our goals. So I had to make this vision board below. How about you, what are your 2020 goals? Are they similar to mine?

Thank you for reading my post and please leave a comment and share. I will be updating you along the year. In the meantime, keep visiting my blog and follow my Instagram page @lavivsblog and twitter @vivio_gogo for more updates. My main Instagram page is @ugochiukah

Have a beautiful week ahead. x

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2020 AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ODI

Hello hi,

Happy New Year! Yay! It’s the start of a new decade; so exciting! Actually, it’s not exactly a New year where I currently am, but it is where I was born so I’m going with that time zone (ha ha!) It’s also my younger sister’s birthday so it’s usually a double celebration for our family. By the way, I am super excited to announce that I have finally opened my official Instagram blog account (@lavivsblog)! It still needs some work but please follow and share in the meantime.

This year had been a funny one for me. My life almost felt like a pendulum – oscillating up, left, right, down... There were times when I would get annoying news, and then almost immediately afterwards, hear good news and vice versa; it was so confusing. Many times I did not know whether to laugh or cry; I’m sure there were times when I did both at the same time. But in all, I survived by God’s grace; I’m still here - strong, healthy, and happy, and for these, I am grateful to the Almighty. You should be thankful too, because you are alive reading this blog post. J

This year, I had many first encounters – encounter with, new cities, new guys, and even with the Police! I also had lots of unplanned reunions; it was like I re-met someone from each phase of my life this year. I’ll tell you about these later via my blog and as usual, I’ll be sharing my 2020 goals and an evaluation of my 2019 goals (which I think I did not do too bad on). However, for now, this post is dedicated to my younger sister and so I have made a poor attempt to write a short poem. Poetry has never been my strength even though it was what I started with as a writer, when I was about seven years old; so please don’t judge! Hee hee! Enjoy:

AN ODE TO ODI

Mama came home bearing gifts and a baby, I was told that I was now a big sister

The gifts were due to the New Year delivery, T’was a special day though not on an Easter

My five year reign had abruptly ended, No longer was I the last born of the home

I looked at baby with curiosity extended, Her eyes shone like a gemstone

She was given the name Cynthia and Odi, a name that pleases GOD

She spoke and walked before a year old, a child that was never bored

Thus she had to go early to school, a nearby one called Santa Maria

Somewhere she could learn to doodle, until we figured out her future career

Many years gone by with tide, she was now a young woman of steel

Her eyes still shone bright and wide, especially during a Christmas sale

Street-smart and no longer a smallie, elegant and blessed in many ways

Always still full of lively stories, I pray she blossoms more every day.

Happy birthday to my only little sister, the dark brown-skinned woman! May God keep and bless you beyond your imaginations, Amen!

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful 2020. Don’t forget to leave a comment under the post, like and share the post, and follow me on Instagram: official blog is @ lavivsblog, personal IG (@ugochiukah) and twitter (@vivio_gogo) for updates.

THE MAN IN THE POOL

Hello hi,

I hope your Holiday/Christmas season is going well. As I promised, I have another blogpost - the last one before the new year. I hope you've read my previous posts; if not, please check them out. Below is a new post, I hope you will enjoy it :)

THE MAN IN THE POOL

As 2019 is drawing to an end, I cannot help but think about my goals I had listed for the year, what I have achieved and what I have not. “Learning how to swim” was a goal that I had be carrying over since 2016; possibly way before then. I had taken classes before – group lessons, lessons with friends, and lessons with random strangers in the pool trying to help me, but I was still inept at swimming. This year, I had planned to enroll in a private swimming class but I had an August visitor; I mean this in both literal senses, as actually a very special guest visited me in August and during the whole summer. Therefore, I did not have enough time to take on extra activities as I had to do some tour guidance. However, this post is not about this year but rather about the year before – 2018. Ah oui, 2018 was the year I was sure that I would achieve my swimming goals for several reasons.

First of all, I had just finished taking group swim classes. I did not learn much from the classes as they were each thirty minute sessions, with eight students in them and one teacher. So of course, before the teacher could go from one person to another, the class would be over. Nonetheless, I had developed more confidence being in the pool despite my swimming techniques remaining amateur, if at all existent. This was still a great progress for me, as every non-swimmer knows that the fear of the pool is the beginning of drowning. Okay, I just made that up but I’m sure you understand what I mean. So after the group class, I had developed more ‘ginger’ (the zeal to learn) and got myself some prescription swim goggles, better swim caps, and sexier swimsuits. I went as often as possible to the pool by myself while awaiting the perfect time for me to make the next step, which was to take a bunch of private lessons. The perfect time came shortly afterwards, in the summer when I had cut my hair. Now there was no need to for me to think about long hair wash and drying after swimming, or even to cover my hair in the pool if I did not feel like it. Alas, I was finally ready!

I was now living in a new city and had to find a swim instructor. Just like I did when I took my driving lessons the year before, my plan was to find a cheap instructor who would teach me and then, I would later quickly polish my skills with a professional swimmer, if needed. In case you don’t know this about me, I am frugal. So I went online – Kijiji and Craigslist to search for someone who would hopefully be cheaper than what I had seen advertised on the websites of gyms and sports centres. Unfortunately, my new gym did not have a pool so I would have had to register in another gym and pay as well, to be able to use their instructors. I eventually found someone online who claimed to be a swimming champion in his home country. I contacted him and booked our first lesson after bargaining and settling on a good first lesson promo price. We planned to meet the next weekend in a public swimming pool not too far from my house.

I was by the pool in my swimsuit, five minutes before the set time. I knew he was already there as he had texted me when he got there, and so I tried to find him. There were already a few people in the pool although it was not yet packed. My eyes immediately caught the swift movement of one the swimmers; I watched as the fellow swam towards me, impressed by his dolphin kicks but still not sure if that was my new teacher. Finally, he rose from the pool, and brushed his dark hair away from his face as the water fell across his toned physique. His body reminded me a bit of Michael Phelps and I tried not to stare lustfully. At least, if that was my teacher, I knew he was not lying about knowing how to swim. I just hoped that he would also know how to teach. As my mind wondered within seconds, he looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back; he was my teacher.

I got into the pool after we exchanged pleasantries and the lesson started immediately.

“So show me what you can do” He demanded.

“Erm, I can’t really do much” I said, losing confidence in myself after having watched him previously swim like a fish.

I showed him my naïve ways of floating, kicking, and pushing myself off the edge of the pool. My breathing technique under the water was close to abysmal and so we began working on that. Afterwards, we worked on kicking and hand stroke movements. He was a very good teacher, with lots of encouragement and patience, and I was thoroughly impressed. We practised and practised, taking short breaks in between whenever I needed one. While on my breaks, Mike would swim a lap; I could tell that he really enjoyed being in the pool.

In the course of the lesson, I learnt more about him. His name was Mike and he was originally from Lebanon, and had only recently moved into the city, just like me. He was currently living with his elder sister and her husband, while studying for a University degree. So as to make some extra pocket money, he had decided to start teaching swimming. Unfortunately, he lived far away from the pool and so would not be able to come during the week days. We discussed more on my future payments; if I agreed to take a package of ten classes with him, then he would be happy to keep it at the same initial cost. He was confident that I would be a good independent swimmer by the tenth class and I was convinced. So we struck a deal for ten lessons, same pool, same time every weekend unless otherwise stated, and the money to be paid at the end of each class.  

Time went by, quickly for Mike as he wanted to continue swimming, but slowly for me as I felt exhausted. I was taking an Uber home and since my house was not far from a train station, I offered to give him a ride. He accepted my offer and I gave him fifteen more minutes to swim before we finally left the pool. We sat on a bench whilst waiting for the Uber driver who appeared to be lost, as the app showed him continuously taking wrong turns. During that time, Mike and I made small talk. We both discovered that we were single and waiting for the “right one and the right time”. He mentioned how he would like to get a place of his own rather than living with his sister, so as to have more privacy. I nodded my head in understanding; privacy was important if you could afford it. The Uber driver finally arrived and in a few minutes, we were in front of my apartment building. I described the way to the train station from my house to Mike and asked him to let me know if he had any problems finding it. Then, we said our goodbyes.

An hour later, after having what I considered to be a rewarding meal for all my swimming exercise, I texted Mike to find out if he got home okay. He said he did and thanked me for being kind enough to check up on him. “It was my pleasure”, I wrote, and “see you next weekend.” I was not expecting any response so I kept my phone aside and took a nap.

I woke up to a text message from Mike; he was complaining about his living situation with his sister. He said he really wanted to find a place urgently but could not afford one by himself at the moment. I suggested that he could find housemates to share with for a start, as that would make things cheaper and later on, he could find a private place when he had enough money.

“Or I could come and live with you”, he replied via text.

I laughed while responding “LOL”. I did not know that he also had some sense of humour; good for him.

“Is that a ‘Yes’?” He asked.

“What? No. I thought you were joking”. I replied, a bit confused.

“Why not? I thought you said you live alone.”

I was now even more confused and seriously hoped that he was just pulling my legs.

“Yeah, I live alone because I don’t want to live with anyone. Also, I don’t know you; we just met today”. I replied in hope that that would end the conversation but…

 “Well, it starts from one day to get to know each other.” He continued. “You seem like a nice girl so I would not mind getting to know you. You also said you are single or do you want to remain lonely? I would teach you swimming for free”

Now, I was beginning to get worried. I mean, this dude knew where I lived and even though he did not know my exact apartment number, what if he was turned out to be a stalker? In person, he did not seem to be a creep and he had been an excellent teacher. So I did not want to lose him as my instructor if I could help it. Therefore, I had to find a way to end this rubbish; I replied:

“I’m sorry if I gave you any wrong impression but as I told you earlier, I CANNOT live with you. So I hope we can end this conversation now and continue our swimming lessons in a nice but professional manner. Do you think you can manage that?” I asked.

“Okay.” That was all he typed.

Phew! I was relieved, even though I could not help but wonder why he would have thought I was interested in him. Had it been because I offered him a ride in my Uber, or the small talks we had had during and after swimming? I could not recall having any flirtatious body language during my stay with him. Maybe it was because I had told him that I was single and so he automatically assumed that it meant I was available to every single man? Or was it because I checked to see if he got home safe? This was something I always did with everyone, whether male or female. I shook my head; the dude was probably drunk, or having a bad day, and just trying his luck. Anyway, I would just have to wait until the next week to reassess the situation during our class and see if I would still be comfortable continuing lessons with him.

The next weekend approached so I texted Mike on Friday.

“Hi, are we still on for tomorrow at 10 am?”

“Who is this?” he responded.

I could not help laughing; this guy must be a petty fellow, I thought to myself. On a second thought, maybe he changed his phone. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and so I replied telling him who I was. His response was cold but funny; he was demanding double the price we had agreed on. There was no need for me to reply, I just blocked and deleted his number. Weirdo, I whispered to myself.

And that was how my swimming for the year came to an end. I had had enough experience for the year for me to go back searching online. I tried to contact some of the professional gym instructors but their schedules did not match mine. Soon enough, winter came by and even though I could have done indoor swimming lessons, the thought of going out even slightly wet in the cold was scary. I would sign up next summer (2019), I told myself but as I wrote earlier, that did not happen. I definitely hope to learn next year 2020 by God’s grace but until then, I cannot help but blame that man in the pool.

Wishing you a happy holiday season!! Don’t forget to leave a comment under the post, like and share the post, and follow me on Instagram (@ugochiukah) and twitter (@vivio_gogo) for updates. Look out for my new blog instragram page. Until next year, by God's grace, kisses. X

HAIR-NIVERSARY (PART 3): THE PHASES OF NEWAFRO (NEW-AFRO)

Hello hi,

I hope you enjoyed part 1 and 2 of this series. This is part 3 below. Enjoy :)

THE PHASES OF NEWAFRO

After my haircut and announcements, I went through various stages of change. First, I tried to adapt to my new routine which included quick showers, hair rubs and sometimes using a brush to give my short afro some curls. I was surprised that I did not missed my old hair as I thought I would. A part of me felt disloyal but I wondered if the feeling was real or whether I was just in denial. I sometimes wore hats, mostly to shield myself from the ever blazing sun but sometimes to add some spice to my look. Making up had never been my calling but every now and then, I made an effort to wear bright lipsticks and wore large earrings and accessories. Although I had not made any plans prior to my hair chop, I hoped to carry my hair the way it was for a minimum of three months before deciding on what next to do. Things were going smoothly and three months went by quickly. I was travelling around Europe when the third month came. By then, my hair had added more volume and needed a change – either a new hair cut or hairstyle to keep it looking tidy. I was sure I was going to cut it again but shortly after I returned home, it began to snow. Everyone warned me not to cut it, your brain would literally freeze, they told me. I believed them as I could already feel the cold air hanging around my head like a halo. So what was I to do? I did not know how to manage hair in general, not to talk about managing a short afro hair. Alas, God heard my prayers and sent me favours through several friends and most conveniently, someone living nearby.

She was a fellow African from a francophone country and even though she was not a hair dresser, she was eager to learn how to make hair. Of course, I was just as eager to let her practice on my hair and that was how our friendship evolved. I came by every other Sunday morning for her to play with my hair; she spoke English while I tried to speak French as she tried different hairstyles – bantu knots, cornrows, twists etc. It was a symbiotic relationship, maybe a little more commensalism since I benefited more from it; but at least it was not parasitic. Each time I returned for another hairdo, she expressed surprise at the rapid growth of my hair. “Wow, it ‘az really grown; so beautiful, so lucky”, she would way with a French accent. I wondered whether she would still consider my hair as beautiful and lucky in a few months, when it would begin to show its true colour.

“You better warn her; you know your hair can cut through a glass” some close friends of mine and my sister suggested. They wanted me to let my new francophone friend know that my hair was neither soft nor gentle; even though it looked deceptively dark and lovely.

“Why should I warn her? She would see it for herself.” I said. “Besides, what if my new hair grew out to be all nice and easy to touch?”

“How is that even possible?”  My sister argued, “As long as the hair is growing from the same scalp, it would grow the same way, unless you change your genes.”

I ignored her; only time would tell how my hair would grow.

And yes, time did tell – as much as I could recall, my hair grew exactly the same way as it had almost 20 years ago, that is the last time I had it short! It sprung like a rain forest, like trees with long spreading branches looking for space such that some fell over my ears. With each centimetre of growth came thicker curls, and with each curl came more tangle. Of course my new friend noticed it– “Ah, your ‘airs are growing up and they are growing wide too”, she exclaimed one day. I laughed and asked her if she still liked the texture, to which she affirmed. Then, I told her stories of my previous hair struggles – how people used to avoid helping me out because my hair was a lot, and how hairdressers used to try to charge me more money when they saw my hair. We both laughed.

Winter finally came to an end and it was time to reconsider cutting the hair. However, it had blossomed into a mid-sized afro and everyone thought it was a good idea to keep it growing, including my new friend. As long as she did not mind helping me out, I did not mind keeping it, I told her. And that was how my hair came to stay, for now at least. After some time, my new friend did not have as much time for my hair. Sometimes I wondered if she was avoiding my hair but I still managed somehow, mostly soliciting help from other friends. I did not want her to feel that I was taking too much advantage of her. I had tried hard to style my hair by myself but I found it challenging, my arms hurt badly whenever I tried and it was never neat. #Teamnatural was not easy and then slowly, I started to miss my old hair a bit. I thought of back then, when it was well relaxed and I could manage to make cornrows by myself without having to ask anyone. Then I realised that I was going through a new phase.

Yes, I had gone through several stages – from feeling unsure of whether to cut my hair, to feeling fly with my short hair, then feeling bored of it, then feeling excited at the rapid hair growth and now sometimes feeling confused. However, through all of these I tried not to complain. After all, I still had HAIR, one that many would kill to have!

Thank you for reading and have yourself a merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Don’t forget to leave a comment under the post, like and share the post and follow me on Instagram (@ugochiukah) and twitter (@vivio_gogo) for updates. As I said in my previous post, I will be creating a new Instagram page for my blog for year 2020 by God’s grace and I hope be more consistent. Thanks again and remain blessed. x.